Sophisticated Tasteful Dining: alert

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Monday, October 18, 2010

Red Alert!!!

Calling all STD followers, Alert, Alert! One of our internal covert operators, Papa Rugsby, was out an about this weekend and spotted an evil opponent wearing this shirt! It is essential that all reinforcements unite, track down, and spread the disease to this happy-go-lucky fellow!

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About Us / Bios

Hefty Pete: This guy is a beast. 6’2” tall, 250lbs of pure power. Muscular like no other man you’ve ever seen. Rage and Deuce will tell you that he’s just a fat blob, but they’re just, well, telling the truth.

Hefty is always looking for quantity and value, oh, he’s also looking for quantity. We’re not saying he’s fat (shut up Deuce, you asshole!), he just gets pretty angry with normal sized portions.

It’s rumored that he once ate 4 pounds of Halloween candy, including all the wrappers.

If you’re a full grown adult male and are concerned about getting enough food, check to see if Hefty Pete was happy with the meal.

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Double Deuce: Average size, below average intelligence. Deuce fancies himself as a critiquer of atmosphere and presentation. He thinks he’s witty, we all think he’s shitty.

He’s usually the first one to comment on décor. He’s never too excited about buffet food and will quickly point out if something doesn’t look clean.

Deuce is a busy man and usually needs to get back to the office (to take a dump we presume). So he always appreciates a restaurant that doesn’t have a long wait.

If you’re looking for a clean and quick place to eat, Deuce will give you the steaming scoop on anywhere we go.

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Rage: Similar in stature to Deuce, but capable of eating like Hefty if he thinks it’s a good deal. Rage is constantly walking on the line between “Hey, I’m a friendly guy that it’s safe to have children around” and “I’m a psycho that will taint your children forever.”

He had his profanity/decency filter removed at an early age. If he’s not happy about something, the wait staff will hear about it.

Rage is always on the lookout for a good deal. Most buffets don’t even have to-go boxes, but somehow he manages to leave with food in hand from all-you-can-eat type restaurants.

If you’re looking for price and value, then cover your kid’s ears and listen to what Rage has to say.

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Monday, October 18, 2010

Red Alert!!!